Tanned If You Do, Tanned If You Don't
by tsl3161991
Summary: Lori decides to try nude sunbathing, but things quickly take an embarrassing turn.


**Synopsis**

Lori decides to try nude sunbathing, but things quickly take an embarrassing turn.

**Story**

Lincoln is sitting on the couch playing a video game. Suddenly, Lori comes into the living room crying.

Lincoln: Lori, what's wrong?

Lori: Bobby failed a math test!

Lincoln: What's so bad about that?

Lori: He failed the test because he's been too busy with me to study, so his mom said he's not allowed to see or talk to me until his grades improve.

Lincoln: I still don't see what the big deal is.

Lori: Well how would you feel if you couldn't see or talk to Ronnie Anne?

Lincoln: I honestly wouldn't care, I can survive a few days without her.

Lori: How could you be so cold? Ronnie Anne is your girlfriend, you should be devestated.

Lincoln: For the millionth time, Ronnie Anne is not my girlfriend!

Lori: It's time for my daily phone call with Bobby, what do I do? I've been calling Bobby at this exact time for so long, I never thought about what I would do without him.

Lincoln: Why don't you call one of your other friends?

Lori: Thanks Lincoln, that's a great idea.

Lori goes upstairs to her and Leni's room, sits on her bed, and opens a video chatting app on her phone. She then scrolls through her contacts and calls Carol Pingrey. A short time later, Carol answers the call and Lori sees that she's laying face-down on a lounge chair outside.

Carol: Hey Lori, what's up?

Lori: Bobby failed a math test, so his mom said he can't call me until his grades improve. What's going on with you?

Carol: Nothing much, I'm just laying out on my patio trying to get a tan. Oh, and last week I...

Lori notices something unusual.

Lori: Uh, Carol, are you naked?

Carol:[blushing] Um...no...what makes you think I'm naked?

Lori: Because I can see your bare butt.

Carol: Okay, I admit it, I'm naked.

Lori: Why are you naked?

Carol: So I don't get tan lines. Also, just between the two of us, I kind of like being naked outdoors. There's something about it that's really exhilerating, you should try it.

Lori: Well, it does look relaxing, but I don't think my parents or my siblings would want me being outside naked.

Carol: So just try it when they're not home. Trust me, it feels great.

Lori: That's easier said than done. With a family as big as mine, there's hardly ever a time that I have the house to myself.

Rita comes in the room.

Rita: Lori, get ready, we're visiting Aunt Ruth today.

Lori suddenly gets an idea.

Lori: I'm not really in the mood, I'm still upset about not being able to talk to Bobby. Maybe I should stay home, I don't want to bum everyone out.

Rita: Okay, I'll tell her you said hi. We'll be back in a few hours.

Everyone else walks to Vanzilla. Lori stares out the window until everyone leaves.

Lori: Okay, everyone's gone. Now I can see if nude sunbathing feels as good as Carol says it does.

Lori takes off her clothes. She then notices her thick pubic hair.

Lori:[blushing] But first I should probably shave.

Lori runs to the bathroom and shaves. A few minutes later, she comes back downstairs and goes to the back door. She then steps out the back door completely naked carrying a bottle of sunscreen and a lounge chair. She then sets up the chair, rubs on some sunscreen, and sits down.

Lori:[thinking] This feels so good. The sunlight feels nice and warm against my bare skin. And the best part is that with my family gone for the day and Mr. Grouse still at work, there's no chance of someone seeing me. Wow, Carol was right, being naked outside is exhilerating.

Lori looks down and sees she's touching herself. She then rapidly pulls her hand away from her crotch.

Lori:[blushing] Whoa, this is neither the time or the place for that.

The scene cuts to a few minutes later. Lori is now laying face-down.

Lori: Well, I'd say I've been out here long enough. I should go back inside and put my clothes back on before someone sees me.

Lori gets up and walks to the back door. When she tries to open it, the doorknob comes off in her hand.

Lori:[irritated] Great, now I have to walk all the way to the front door to get in.

Lori walks to the front door. She tries to open the front door, but discovers it's locked.

Lori: Oh no, I'm locked outside completely naked. Could things possibly get any worse?

A car with two teenage boys in it drives by. They see Lori is naked and honk the horn and whistle at her. She then blushes and covers herself with her hands before running to the backyard.

Lori:[blushing] Well, I guess that answers my question. There's got to be some way to get back inside. Maybe I can get in through one of the windows.

Lori tries to open every window she can reach, but they're all locked.

Lori: Well, so much for that idea. Maybe I can pick the lock on the front door with a hair pin. After all, I've seen Leni do it plenty of times.

Lori takes a hair pin out of her hair and goes to the front door. She tries to pick the lock, but can't do it. She tries until the hair pin becomes bent out of shape.

Lori: This is a lot harder than Leni makes it look.

Lori hears another car coming and hides behind a tree.

Lori: Okay, there's clearly no way I can get back inside by myself, and I can't call anyone for help since I left my phone inside.

Lori looks over at Mr. Grouse's house and gets an idea.

Lori: That's it, I'll ask Mr. Grouse for help. Wait, I can't. He's still at work and he won't get home for a while. That means my only option is to wait for him to get home, naked...outside...where anyone could see me...

Lori realizes she's touching herself again.

Lori: Gah! What's wrong with me? Why do I keep doing that? Am I one of those freaks who gets turned on by being naked in public?

Lori looks down and sees her crotch is wet.

Lori:[blushing] Aparently I am.

Lori reaches up into the tree, grabs a leaf, and uses it to dry her crotch. Suddenly, Mr. Grouse pulls into his driveway, gets out of his car, and goes inside without seeing Lori.

Lori: Okay, he's finally home. Now to go ask him for help. It'll be super embarrassing to show up at his door completely naked, but it couldn't be any worse than what I've already been through.

The scene cuts to Mr. Grouse's living room. He's sitting in a chair reading a newspaper until he hears his doorbell ring. He answers the door and sees Lori completely naked and covering herself with her hands.

Mr. Grouse:[shocked] Holy Toledo, what are you doing at my door in your birthday suit?

Lori:[blushing] I tried nude sunbathing and got locked out of the house. Can you please help me get back inside?

Mr. Grouse: No can do, I've got a newspaper that needs reading and a nap that needs taking.

Lori: Please, I'm naked and I really need your help.

Mr. Grouse: Not my problem.

Mr. Grouse closes his front door. Lori walks back to the front yard.

Lori: Well, I've only got one option left. I'll have to break the door down.

Lori stands back and runs straight at the front door, but can't break it down. She tries again, but still can't break it down. She tries one more time, but a police car suddenly shows up and stops her before she reaches the door.

Police Officer: Stop right there. You're under arrest for attempted breaking and entering and indecent exposure.

Lori: This isn't what it looks like. I live here, I was sunbathing naked and got locked out, I'm just trying to get back inside.

Police Officer: Sure, that's what they all say.

The police officer handcuffs Lori and puts her in the back of his car before driving away. The scene cuts to Aunt Ruth's house. Everyone is watching videos of Aunt Ruth's cats when Rita's phone rings.

Rita: Hello, who is this.

Aunt Ruth: Shhh, this is the best part.

Rita: Oh my gosh, we'll be right there.

Lincoln: What happened?

Rita: Lori's been arrested. We have to go down to the police station and get her.

The Loud family gets in Vanzilla and drives away. The scene cuts to the police station.

Police Officer: How can I help you?

Rita: I'm here to get my daughter, I'm Rita Loud. Where is she?

The police officer takes everyone to Lori. Everyone is stunned to see Lori completely naked and wrapped in a blanket.

Rita: Lori, what happened? Where are your clothes?

Lori:[blushing] It's a long story. I'll explain when we get home.

The scene cuts to the Loud house living room. Lori is on the couch surrounded by everyone.

Lynn Sr: Okay Lori, explain what happened.

Lori: As soon as you guys left, I decided to do some sunbathing.

Lisa: Lori, while the activity is called sunbathing, you aren't required to remove your clothing.

Lori: I know that.

Rita: Then why are you naked?

Lori: I got the idea from Carol. She was sunbathing naked when I called her and said I should try it.

Lynn Sr: Why were you arrested?

Lori: I got locked out and had to break down the door to get in, but the police thought I was trying to break in and arrested me.

Rita: Well, you've been through a lot today. Go put some clothes on and we'll talk more about this whole incident tomorrow.

Lori: Okay.

Lori walks up the stairs, followed by her siblings.

Lola: So why exactly did you have to be naked?

Lori: So I don't get tan lines.

Lynn: Is that also why you shaved down there?

Lori: No.

Leni: You must like how it feels without all of that hair, I noticed you rubbing it in the van.

Lori's eyes widen and her face turns red.


End file.
